Miss Manners: We’re the bride’s parents, and we’re getting stiffed

DEAR MISS MANNERS When the bride s parents pay for the wedding should they not be able to invite at least half of the guests Related Articles Miss Manners I don t want to show them my baby registry Miss Manners How does one thank the person who exposed a relative s body Miss Manners Who was wrong in the escalator tiff me or the young man Miss Manners One parent opposes beer and our soccer coach doesn t know what to do Miss Manners Our nanny lives in the basement and she has gotten territorial Our daughter has been engaged for almost two years and has a baby with her fiance Now they want a wedding so we recounted them how much we could contribute They have no money set aside and his parents will contribute nothing It seems that weddings have become outrageously expensive so they will need to have a small event no more than guests Our daughter has now narrated us that since her fiance s parents both have big families they will get invites while the bride and groom will be inviting friends Again his family is not providing anything The number of invitations left does not leave us room to invite first cousins or any friends unless we up the budget which is not practicable at this time I guess I do not think it s fair that we will be providing food alcohol and entertainment for a group of people we have never met and cannot include central members of our family or close friends My husband says we gave them a budget and they can do whatever they want with it I believe dividing the number of invitations evenly between families is the best choice Is there a rule of etiquette that supports either stance Does Miss Manners have an opinion on this GENTLE READER It is not that the bride s parents should be allowed to issue invitations to the wedding because they are paying for it Rather it is that they should be allowed to issue invitations because they are the bride s parents But before you are too pleased with that answer it is also true that bigger families require more invitations Miss Manners is not suggesting that you solve this conflict by throwing more money at it You need only recognize and teach your daughter that people are more central than lavish wedding accoutrements Therefore the lists of people who are fundamental to each family should be made first in order to plan the budget for the wedding whether for example the reception is a tea instead of dinner or the flowers are local instead of flown in from another continent DEAR MISS MANNERS The values of my academic field is very casual I m interviewing for professorships at several places and the faculty committees in the interviews all doctors by title invite me to call them by their first names Having just completed my Ph D I d like to ask them to recognize this at least for the period of the interview by calling me Professional Name Is there a way to request this with charm flexibility and humility GENTLE READER Do you not want a job Related Articles Dear Abby He s the ideal man for me but I feel like everyone is judging us Asking Eric My old friend ditched me in favor of her wonderful neighbors Dear Abby I wish people would quit telling me I need to get dressed Asking Eric So she did her stepsiblings dirty and thought it wouldn t come back to bite her Harriette Cole I m afraid I ll get in too deep on the rich women s trip Because a sure way to avoid getting one is to correct the interviewers Especially in this matter by suggesting that they who all have doctorates themselves should show you more respect because of your newly minted degree You also seem to be unaware that there are colleges and universities at which the title of physician is not used out of the assumption that all the professors have Ph D s so it is hardly worth mentioning let alone emphasizing Miss Manners suggests you inquiry the description of the job for which you are interviewing Does it mention teaching the faculty how to behave Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO