Miss Manners: My houseguest insisted on using her sleeping bag. Should I do the same?

DEAR MISS MANNERS I have visited a dear friend a limited times over the years and each time I am greeted with a lovely guest room calm bedding fresh flowers and fluffy towels all of which made my stay extra special Related Articles Miss Manners Where should I look when I follow a woman up the stairs Miss Manners Should I vulnerability insulting my neighbor by being blunt about her dog Miss Manners Strangers want to take our photo and they re bugged when I say no Miss Manners She contaminated the soup and then got petulant with me Miss Manners The frustrating tennis tournament is a dark cloud in my life When she visited me for the first time I was excited to put together a similar experience for her But I was rather shocked to discover that she arrived with a sleeping bag and her own towels saying she didn t want to inconvenience me Now I don t know what to do when or if I visit her again Pack my own bedding and towels It seems odd that a guest would not want to enjoy the trouble that the host obviously went to but perhaps I have been mistaken GENTLE READER You don t have bedbugs do you Presuming that there is no such danger from which your friend has to protect herself her actions have informed you that your hospitality is not good enough for her Oh Miss Manners realizes that was not your friend s intention She is one of those people who says I just don t want to be any trouble and therefore creates not only unnecessary trouble but bad feelings as well Should you still want to accept her invitations you should ask whether you should bring your own things and if not ask why she did Tell her that you had taken pleasure in providing accommodations that you thought she would enjoy and were disappointed to find that she did not consider them adequate DEAR MISS MANNERS I have been the same weight my whole adult life and I am very uncomfortable with comments about my body I have several relatives who like to say You ve lost weight when I see them at holidays This seems rude to me Nobody would ever exclaim My you ve gained weight So why do they think it s OK to make the opposite observation Never mind that they are incorrect and my weight hasn t changed in years Is there a way to politely respond to this comment and suggest they stop saying it GENTLE READER Really You think nobody would ever insult anyone about gaining weight So-called fat shaming is practically a national sport Ask anyone who is not super-thin But you are right that there is particular difference in the matter of losing weight Unless a loss is so dramatic that your relatives are worried about your medical they possibly believe that this is particular sort of compliment Related Articles Dear Abby My co-worker thinks I m mad at him In reality I have a raging crush Jill On Money Achieving financial independence Asking Eric There s nobody to complain to about the man in the gym Harriette Cole Should I ask the lecturer about the development my child described Miss Manners Where should I look when I follow a woman up the stairs It is not Miss Manners recommends merely replying No I ve been this same weight my whole adult life DEAR MISS MANNERS I feel unwell when I hear graphic descriptions of physiological and dental problems Is there a polite way to stop these stories from being reported before they cross the line for me This has been quite a challenge for me over the years GENTLE READER If you blurt out Sorry I m terribly squeamish and then clap your hand over your mouth Miss Manners believes that the subject will be changed in a hurry Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO