Miss Manners: Is there a polite way to satisfy my curiosity about the waitress?

DEAR MISS MANNERS I live in a place where multiple cultures and nationalities abound Related Articles Miss Manners Would it be crass to give a young widow money rather than flowers Miss Manners What s the rule about giving an ultimatum to a friend Miss Manners The women at work ignored me whenever I spoke What should I have done Miss Manners Can I as the host abandon the rowdy drinkers Miss Manners She won t shut up about how lucky she is and I dread talking to her When I was at a restaurant with friends the other day we were served by a comely waitress My friend commented on the beauty of the Asian waitress but I thought she was Latina Is there a tactful and proper way to ask Or are we better off not asking such a question at all None of us wishes to offend anyone GENTLE READER Then please just order your food Miss Manners reminds you that the waitress is not a menu item of whom you may inquire the ingredients She has work to do and may not want to explain her background to you DEAR MISS MANNERS I inherited a s-era diamond ring and earrings I remember my grandmother saying that with the exception of an engagement ring it s inappropriate to wear this type of flashy jewelry during the day I am going to a reunion luncheon for my all-girls school to be held at a lovely Old South -style tearoom Frankly I would love to wear these pieces to the event The ring could pass for an engagement ring but the sizable solitaire earrings are definitely just bling Does this rule still hold Would sticking to pearls be more appropriate GENTLE READER Hold with whom Even if Miss Manners had inherited the crown jewels she like your grandmother would never wear them during the day But she has noticed that people who genuinely have inherited crown jewels are among those who are either ignorant or contemptuous of the rule However the rule was well-known and observed in what you are calling the Old South As your classmates have chosen this venue perhaps they would consider your wearing the earrings to be a vulgar matter of showing off Or not You do know that your grandmother would not approve Gratitude and respect should stop you from going against her sense of decorum especially if she is the relative from whom you inherited the jewelry DEAR MISS MANNERS My fiance and I sent out wedding invitations Our wedding is still weeks away but will-be attendees have already begun sending gifts to our house What is the proper etiquette for the timing of thank-you notes Should we wait until the wedding takes place or should we start sending thank-you notes now to acknowledge receipt of these gifts GENTLE READER NOW Sorry Miss Manners did not mean to shout at you But she knows what happens when brides postpone thanking people who give them presents Related Articles Dear Abby After one date he was calling me baby and he flipped out at my cooldown text Asking Eric My daughter says she s a minimalist and won t take my heirlooms Dear Abby My brother left me an accidental voicemail I wasn t supposed to hear Asking Eric Why did they text me and then leave me hanging Harriette Cole I accidentally let slip my friend s happy news and she s furious with me Right now you are busy getting ready for the wedding Then you will be on your wedding trip After that you will be catching up at work after having been away At that point you won t be able to bear to look at the list of who gave what which will be on your desk giving you dirty looks Then you will decide that it is too late The time to thank someone for giving you a present is when you receive that present Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO