Miss Manners: I can’t be expected to help every lady with her carry-on bag

DEAR MISS MANNERS For work I fly often usually at least once a week I am a gentleman in my mid- s and am often mistaken for someone younger My dilemma is how to handle co-passengers who are unable to lift their bags into the overhead bin several of whom then look at me expectantly While I look fit my constant movement schedule and squeezed-in workouts have left me with a back that can lock up pretty badly I would defer to the flight attendants but they are generally not any more helpful in this task than fellow passengers I believe specific airlines have policies against flight attendants assisting with the stowage of carry-on luggage When traveling with my mother whose comfort of class I would go to great lengths to ensure I was surprised when she scolded me for not helping other ladies with their luggage But I have invariably been of the opinion that if someone can t lift their own luggage they should check it How do I handle this situation without seeming like a person without manners I am willing to sacrifice my back for my mother but I can t accommodate every lady unable to lift her bag GENTLE READER Become extremely absorbed in your book DEAR MISS MANNERS A person I have known for numerous years has just been arrested and charged with horrific crimes I would not say we were ever close friends just cordial acquaintances It seems likely this person will not walk free again for a great number of years if ever I want to reach out and write a letter to them in jail What would be appropriate to say in a situation like this Hi how are you doing seems inappropriately shallow and perky under the circumstances How could you do that would certainly not be polite What would be reasonable GENTLE READER I was sorry to hear about your situation I hope that under the circumstances you are doing well Miss Manners commends you for your desire to reach out to this accused criminal But perhaps you are emboldened by the fact that they are not likely to rejoin society anytime soon DEAR MISS MANNERS While dining at a fairly nice restaurant I overheard a lady try to attract the attention of the server by tapping her glass with a spoon Loudly and often Related Articles Dear Abby My husband died months ago How do I let other men know I m ready Asking Eric After she plucked my hair I won t be seeing my mother anymore Harriette Cole After this disastrous trip with my co-workers I dread seeing them at work Miss Manners I was attacked online and my wife s family refused to take my side Dear Abby Our son s girlfriend saw my wife s text and now she won t speak to us Is this a new custom or just something my dear grandmother neglected to tell me was acceptable She dependably lifted a gloved finger or purely made eye contact to get a server s attention GENTLE READER It is not a new custom This lady was just using it wrong which she undoubtedly realized when she failed to get the attention of the server but had everyone else in the restaurant waiting for a toast that did not materialize So your dear grandmother did not omit to tell you this Unfortunately Miss Manners omitted to tell her that one does not wear gloves at the dinner table Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO