Harriette Cole: My roommate’s annoying Post-its are affecting my peace of mind

DEAR HARRIETTE My roommate has a habit of leaving extremely specific passive-aggressive notes all over our apartment about cleaning dishes and other household chores Related Articles Harriette Cole This advice from my therapist seems drastic Should I go for it anyway Harriette Cole Is it unrealistic to date a man who lives more than an hour away Harriette Cole It was funny when we googled my new boyfriend and then it wasn t Harriette Cole My husband gripes all the time but won t speak up for himself Harriette Cole My kids are starting to notice their cousins get treated better Specific of the notes feel petty while others make me feel like I m being criticized or watched and it s starting to affect my peace of mind I ve tried picking up after myself doing extra chores and even leaving polite replies or notes in return but nothing seems to change their behavior I m tired of the constant tension building in what should be a relaxing home surroundings but I also dread having a major confrontation that could make living together unbearable or create lasting resentment How do I get my roommate to communicate like an adult express their concerns directly and handle household responsibilities in a healthy way without escalating the passive-aggressive behavior or damaging our living situation No More Post-Its DEAR NO MORE POST-ITS Ask your roommate to have a household meeting At the meeting point out that you have noticed the a great number of notes all over your home with your roommate s requests for work to be done Push back Explain that you do not appreciate the notes You prefer having a direct conversation about the delineation of duties in your shared space Acknowledge that the two of you have different standards and point out that you have been making an effort to step up and address the things they have pointed out Firmly request that the notes stop Suggest that you meet once a week to address any household concerns in person DEAR HARRIETTE I in recent weeks discovered that a family member has been lying about having serious medical issues in order to get sympathy and financial help from relatives At first I felt sorry for them and even contributed various money myself but then I learned through another source that their fitness scare was utterly fabricated Now I feel both hurt and angry not only because I was deceived but also because other family members are still sacrificing their time and information under false pretenses Part of me feels like I should speak up and expose the truth before more people get taken advantage of but I m also worried that doing so will cause a huge rift in the family I don t want to be seen as the troublemaker but I also don t want to stand by and watch this go on Should I confront them directly tell the rest of the family or keep my distance and stay out of it I m struggling with whether it s even my place to intervene since I don t want to come across as self-righteous At the same time I feel a strong sense of responsibility to protect my loved ones from being manipulated further Expose the Truth DEAR EXPOSE THE TRUTH To the best of your ability go back and verify that this person is lying to the family This is a serious accusation that should be ratified Related Articles Miss Manners The bride is already mad at people and I don t want to be on that list Dear Abby Can I drop this woman after years of her lackadaisical texts Asking Eric I m thinking of moving to escape these drop-in visitors Harriette Cole This advice from my therapist seems drastic Should I go for it anyway Miss Manners Should we give any warning before our shiny new fence goes up Then go directly to the person and reveal what you have learned Share your horror at learning that this person is deceiving family members and basically stealing from them Ask them to stop You shouldn t stop there though Go to this person s parents or siblings and share what you have learned This is a serious situation that demands to be addressed Yes people may get upset That s OK The truth necessities to come out Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO