Asking Eric: I don’t want my grandchild calling anyone else Nonna

Dear Eric My ex-husband and I have been divorced for more than years We see each other at family functions and are very cordial and polite with each other as I am to his girlfriend who attends them all Related Articles Asking Eric My friend doesn t realize what s going on in my life Asking Eric This is not how I wished my life to end and I feel totally betrayed Asking Eric I don t want to be around my husband when he s eating Asking Eric We want to stay friendly with the new neighbor What can we do about the ruckus Asking Eric I m finished with this friendship since I realized what she was doing Neither of us remarried He has been in this relationship with this female for a large number of years but they don t live together When our sons had their first babies a boy and a girl now my ex needed the family to refer to his girlfriend as Nonna Our sons straightaway shut that idea down stating that their children have a grandmother and that they would refer to his girlfriend by her first name out of respect for their mother and especially not to confuse the children In the last few days while I was visiting one of my sons my daughter-in-law and I were having a conversation about my -year-old grandson She was recounting something that my grandson mentioned about my ex-husband s girlfriend and referred to her as Nonna I questioned Is he referring to his grandfather s girlfriend as Nonna now He never had before nor had anyone else in the family She replied yes I instantly commented that I was not calm with that and that it really bothers me since I am clearly not dead And don t plan to go anywhere any time soon Here s my question Is there an unwritten rule for living grandmothers who have a great relationship with their grandchildren and their grandfathers girlfriends who want to share that very special title By the way revealed girlfriend already has enough of her very own grandchildren Carissima Nonna Dear Nonna The complication with unwritten rules is you guessed it they re not recorded in writing so time and circumstance tend to shift them around Now you made your preference clear and your son and daughter-in-law honored that but somehow things have shifted Obviously I can t say for sure but it s workable that your grandson has started to think of grandmother figures in general as Nonnas and is using it as a blanket term rather than a specific term of endearment for you Any of the adults involved could have provided an alternative Oh I m Nonna Stephanie or what-have-you and it would ve saved particular consternation But somehow they didn t So try to reframe the situation as it stands currently Your relationship with your grandson remains unique and special You re not being replaced nor forgotten I know the name has special meaning for you but as with Grandma or Grammy or any other nomenclature try to remember that he ll perpetually know which one he s calling when he uses it and the history and future of each relationship will invariably be distinct Dear Eric I have two friends who can t hear very well One of them had hearing aids but returned them The other one has them but won t wear them They frequently talk over each other and interrupt people all the time because they can t seem to tell if someone else is speaking What s really annoying is they keep telling me to speak up then complain when I do so They accuse me of mumbling but everyone else understands me just fine I have to repeat myself over and over again increasing my volume each time until they say Don t yell at me I keep telling them that if they keep asking me to speak up until they can hear me they shouldn t complain when I definitively reach a volume they can hear Any thoughts Raising Voices Dear Voices Navigating hearing loss can be tough Sometimes it s an issue of pride sometimes people don t realize how much they re missing and have gotten used to getting by It can be challenging to convince friends who haven t detected the right clinical response to keep trying Related Articles Dear Abby The mom leaves her kids with us every weekend Asking Eric My friend doesn t realize what s going on in my life Harriette Cole My daughters have stopped speaking because of a stupid joke Miss Manners They say I look like this actress and I don t think it s a compliment Dear Abby I m trying not to respond to her cruelty but the insults rattle me But in a non-charged moment talk to them about what you re seeing and encourage them to visit an audiologist perhaps a different one than the physician they saw before Remind them that hearing loss is associated with an increased pitfall of advancing dementia and that according to the National Institute of Soundness using hearing aids can help reduce the rate of cognitive decline in older adults by up to percent Additionally hearing aids can help reduce social isolation by helping those experiencing hearing loss to better engage with conversation and the world around them There are several benefits but like numerous biological remedies they sometimes take a minute to get used to Perhaps by focusing on their personal well-being and continued wellness you ll help them see that you re not complaining completely for the sake of complaining but rather because you want the best for them and for your friendship Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com